Battling old monsters--and debating whether to make New Years Resolutions.

Last year was the first year in my whole adult life that I didn't make New Year's resolutions. I've had a great year with no goals. ha ha But seriously, it has been so good for me to decompress from the self-inflicted pressure and constant obsession on weight, calories...etc.

A few of my friends (one is my band-daughter--a friend that got the band, I would like to think "because" of me) and I did a Biggest-Loser-esque type of challenge at the local gym. It was SOOOOO great to get back in the gym and exercise hard again. I love exercise and love what it does for me. I HATE taking the time to do it. The worst part of the challenge was the journaling. Every week we were to do a detailed food journal and turn it in to our trainer. I really think that, as a former chronic dieter, I could go head to head with most licensed dieticians when it comes to nutrition, RMR...etc. So, it was an extremely frustrating experience. First, because my trainer was so dogmatic about certain things---very ANTI-Starbucks regardless of the drink and ANTI- all things peanut butter because of the "fat". Second, because she hadn't been formally trained in nutrition other than reading Muscle and Fitness magazines.  ANYWAY. I got weekly lectures about how to improve my nutrition plan and it just got old hearing about stirring mustard into a can of tuna and eating that.  Trust me, Chickie, I paid those dues for years!!!!   I did my best spreadsheet ever on tracking veggies (by color mind you), fiber, fruits, MUFAs, water...etc, so I'm proud of that and once I finish rebeling against the chains, I'd really like to start using it.

The whole journaling thing raised old monsters from the dead for me. I was at a really good place with the whole food addiction and it was finding it's rightful place in my life. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't thinking about food except when I was stuck...and I was to the point where I wanted ONLY to focus on nutrition. Food literally has become no longer an enemy but a means of life for me. I eat because I need calories. Journaling made me eat cheeseburgers because Krystal told me I shouldn't. I am warped. But that is how it is for me.

I guess that's why I stand at the precipace of a New Year and seriously question whether goals and resolutions are even a positive thing for me. As a former trainer and addict of self-help books, that sentence is blasphemy. But it is what it is.

I THINK I've lost 20 pounds this year. (more blasphemy) I really don't know how much I weighed last year. Trust me it's on my tracker spreadsheet so I can find it. What I DO know is that I'm really happy when I look in the mirror.  I'm happy that my size 10 jeans get too loose to wear twice without washing AND DRYING them. I'm happy that Christmas is Saturday. I'm happy about a million other things that don't have anything to do with weight or food. That is freedom---and hidden in all those past resolutions with 40 million action steps--freedom has been my goal for 15 years.  I am  deeply grateful that I have achieved this plane.

Maybe I need to listen to that Martha Beck audio book again about four-day wins.

It's been a LONG time since I posted!!! Here's some updated pictures....




My daughter and I eating funnel cake! Mmmmm....



Good times at the lake with a camel toe! :o)



Toby Keith concert