I felt good while I was there. Her scale was two pounds heavier than mine at home, so that was unnerving, but I was totally fine with it after a few days--it didn't go up or down and by the time I got home I'm still 181.8. I can't tell if I am too tight or at my sweet spot right now--I think I may be a smidge too tight, as it is uncomfortable EVERY time I eat. I regularly get hickups after I eat (not for a long time) and I can't drink a cup of milk without getting REALLY uncomfortable. Two or three swallows is all I can handle at a time. For vacation it was kindof a pain, because down in Louisianna they eat ALOT of rice (gumbo, etouffee, red beans and rice, dirty rice...etc) and they visit each other CONSTANTLY. So--instead of just eating in front of my sister and her family (no big deal since they know about the band)...lots of extended family..etc. was there or we'd be invited over to their house. I felt aweful, because the food was delicious and I didn't want it to look like I didn't like it or anything, but I could only eat a little at a time.
The B12 shot went in fine and didn't give me a sore arm like the nurse said it might. But I haven't noticed any increased energy or accelerated fat loss or anything different since taking it....so I prob'ly wont take it again.
I felt psychologically good while I was down there. I liked how my clothes were fitting--and I felt skinny(er). I met an old friend that got the band 2 years ago. She has lost 50 pounds without trying in the past two years. She is completely fine with that and doesn't care how long it takes--just happy and normal. She could eat rice just fine. It was SOOOOO good to be able to sit down together--eat together (I've NEVER got to eat with a banded person before) and commisserate and celebrate together.
Ok, here's the WORST PART of the whole trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I get back and log on to facebook and spread out for everyone to see are pictures from our visit posted by my sister's mother-in-law! HORRIBLE PICTURES!!! I mean aweful. Hair not done, no makeup, boobs bigger than Dolly's and my new top stomach sag poking out as far as the Dolly boobs!!! Of course they were happily tagged and all. I'll post them here, just because I know that you all could empathize with the feeling! Oh my goodness!! I sat there hating to look, but compelled to because you just know everyone else is looking!! My internal lizard was going bezerk...all over the place.
I've heard BG talk about BDD (Body Dismorphic Disorder) and I have thought maybe I have that mildly, but wow---seeing pictures like this--especially the Jabba the Hut on the grass!--make me think that I have been completely snowing myself into thinking that I've made any progress AT ALL!!! I'm sure we all have pictures like these--that force shock and awe, so my question to you all is: What do you do with pictures like this? Use them as incentives? Put them on the fridge? Untag them as fast as you can and never look at them again??
I'm trying to think of a constructive way to move past this.
5 comments:
I dont really have any advice for you but I know EXACLTY how you feel. I have decided to leave them tagged and use them as an incentve / how far I have come. Glad you had a great time!!
P.S. I know you prob dont believe me but I think you look great in the pics without make up etc and top stomach sag is so not noticeable.
OMG - I missed you and wondered where you were. I'm going to visit my hubby's family in Louisiana in August for the first time! How cool. Okay- I would never lie about this - but seriously - I don't see what you see. I see beauty - honest to God - I think you're being too hard on yourself. That being said I do it all the time to myself so I can't judge. Try to be proud - those pictures are YOU at this moment and some day you'll be glad you have them to look back on. I promise....
Smooches.
You're back! I missed your smiling face. Honest to God, I was just thinking about you today as I was on my lunch break.
I'm glad you had a good time!!
As far as photos go - I HATE THEM. They never fail to make me feel SUPER fat. I swear they add 10 lbs. (or 50). BUT, you look great. I didn't in the slightest way see a fat girl when I looked at your photos. Remember we are always hardest on ourselves. To everyone else, you look like you. No Dolly or Jabba...lol
In the past I have untagged them. Lately, I've been letting them stay.
Just smile that someone loves you enough to WANT photos of you. That is a moment in time that was captured..you may not like it now, but in 40 years when your children see the photos, they will marvel at how young and beautiful you are.
OK first of all I'm clinically diagnosing you with BDD, Dr. BG says so...there is NO Jabba to be found pretty girl! Here's my recommendation as a BDD patient..I look at them...until I can start accepting them...it takes time and depending on the photo, many views to start really seeing myself as I am in the pic. It was shocking and hard enough when I was looking at the 'before's', but the harder part to see was the 'durings'...even my half way there ones...I could see the tummy difference, but my hips that I really wanted to go...nadda, so it was disappointing. I'll tell you it's even harder now...I KNOW I don't see myself as I am. Keep taking those pics, the more you take them and look at them the easier it gets and soon you'll be able to see the changes that we can already see.
Glad your home!
I'm with Band Groupie. You have a bad case of BDD. I do too-I see me as normal weight in the mirror and a whale in photos. Please leave them posted (you can remove your name if you like). But you will look at them differently as you lose weight. I have to admit, I don't see the big girl you talk about or Jabba. I posted two pics of me at the same weight and someone commented about how in one I was bigger and the other smaller but I was the same weight in both(http://rollercoasterdieting.blogspot.com/2010/01/big-fat-cow.html) .
Don't ever be embarrassed about having your picture taken. For 10 years I have no history of me because I wasn't in any pics. Now I wish I had one, even a fat one. Because truly, most people are not thinking about the weight of those in a pic-really. They are just looking at the picture. I will say, with digital I do delete a bad pic of me because sometimes, no matter what, they are god-awful. At least you didn't have your finger in your nose!
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