The tension between goals and gratitude.

Somewhere around the first part of January, I picked up an audio-book called "Gratitude".  (I do try to "redeem the time" on my commute to work once in a while!) Anyway, it started off unassuming...talking about how gratitude is a common theme in all the world--in all languages and all major religions. But as it went on and I began to practice the different aspects of gratefullness---I was blown away by the power in that one element. As I would pause the CD and start--one by one--thanking God for the blessings in my life, thanking God for two legs that would walk, thanking God for my house, my daughter, my husband...I was overwhelmed with JOY.  Deep, warm-fuzzy, enveloping joy. It dissolved the feelings of envy I had for my friend's with big yards, the feelings of defeat that I've only lost 25 pounds, the anger from the last fight my husband and I had, and the feelings of discontentment with my current job. Instead peace and joy. The realization inside that things are exactly the way they need to be right now--that God has a purpose.

I've lived most of my life as a type-A personality--always striving for a higher plain (BG--is that right or is it plane?), dutifully writing down my New Year's Resolutions--with action steps and target dates.  Only to write the same ones down again the next year. Cycles of defeat, discouragement, perfectionism, failure....over and over, year after year.

Well, this Gratitude CD said that in a study of two groups of people that was done a few years ago--the group that kept a daily gratitude journal, improved their health (blood pressure, sleep cycles, stress levels), exercised more often and accomplished more personal goals. I kept pushing back on my CD player until that really sank in. How could one practice (seemingly unrelated--and not containing ephedra) make me exercise more often---or accomplish more personal goals?

So, since then, I have been doing this practice, and it really IS powerful and amazing. Especially, when I get off-balance and lean too far into the feelings of inadequacy, comparison and perfectionism--which are the toxic opposite of gratitude. With regards to my weightloss it has made me go out and buy some new size 12 jeans, even though I had some old ones still in the closet. I was really happy about my progress so far and wanted to look good while I was happy! :o)

Since I started this journey, one sentiment that I have heard over and over again, is the desire to figure out the keys to unlocking the power of the mind in this weightloss battle. It seems so me that if that one factor were really uncovered, then success would come easily. One other book I read--which I can't remember the title of---the author began at four-hundred-something pounds. He described himself as being an expert of the philosophy of nutrition and exercise. SO TRUE of many of us on this journey. We KNOW what we need to do--it's just applying the mind to DO IT.  I don't know yet if the keys are the same for everybody, but I know for me, a very integral key for my mind is gratitude. I feel like I've found a diamond!

So--since working on this practice--I've come to recognize a tension between this gratitude key and the goals key. Where's the balance? How do you be deeply grateful yet strive?

I'm still trying to figure out what that looks like for me.