Twelve Weeks Out

!TMI ALERT!  Ok...so yesterday, my husband and I decided for me to go back on the pill for three months. We've been trying to get pregnant (trying as hard as one who has ZERO sex drive can---please somebody send me some female viagra or something! WHAT happened to me?!). On top of that about a month ago, I had to go to the ER b/c I thought I was having appendicitis. NOT a good thing, since that is the mysterious "abdominal surgery" that everyone at work assumes that I had last June. haha  Anyway--it turned out to be yet another ovarian cyst. This one is big--almost 2 1/2 inches big and hurts like crazy.  Some days I don't feel ANYTHING and it's fine, but when I'm ovulating, which, unfortunately, are also the days we need to be trying to make a baby, it is the kind of pain that knocks me flat on my back.  My OB/GYN wants me to get on the pill and then check it again in a couple months. I don't have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) but I am prone to getting cysts. I've had them before. Thankfully, as soon as I go on the pill, they go away.

Gritz, has been going nuts about the whole trying to get pregnant thing this whole time. Like--you aren't at your goal yet---you have to be at goal before you get pregnant!!! BTW--you'll NEVER get to your goal! If you don't get pregnant right now, you're going to turn 35 and you don't want to get pregnant after your 35 or you'll have something terribly wrong with your baby!!

In a way--getting on the pill for three months and then trying like rabbits feels "shackles off" for me. Three months---gives me a window of time to really focus on weight loss without Gritz freaking out that I will lose it all by getting pregnant.

Instead of setting some grand goal for myself in the next 12 weeks (which is what my warped mind always wants to do ....12 weeks=24 pounds=the weight you were 10 years ago=success),  I'm going to focus on doing what I intuitively know I need to do with regards to what I put in my mouth and how much I move my tushie in little 4-day increments. Simply staying the course four days at a time. I will define THAT as my success and celebrate with non-food indulgences for each little victory.  After reading "The 4-Day Win", I feel a strange calm about this whole weight-loss thing. A sense of being "in control" of something that has controlled me for so long. 

That said...here's my four day goal:

• I will eat how I know I need to eat--knowing that if I start to panic about starving to death I will eat something decadent--but only something that is truly delicious and something that I love to eat.
• I will walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes every night at 6:30pm. I will not let myself do any more than that the next four days--no hour long boxing craziness for four days--this is about building a habit.

My reward (non-food indulgence) will be watching The Timetraveler's Wife on demand Thursday night after I work out.